The First Time I Met God

She looked mild enough. A round 30-something, her eyes, hair and clothing different shades of brown. Her glasses were impression less where they sat on her face, hard to even notice unless you were really looking. Something told me her glasses reflected more than the early afternoon glare.
"Hi, Susan."
She blinked at me slowly, tilting her head to the side curiously as if gauging what I was.
"What's going on today, Susan?"
No response.
"Susan?"
She looked away.
"Is there another way you'd like me to refer to you?"
She looked at me then and smiled, "You have to be nicer."
"I'm trying to be nice."
"Did you come from work today," my partner asked in the same voice he'd spoken to the abused 6-year-old the day before.
Susan smiled and nodded.
"Where do you work," he continued.
"Everywhere," she answered simply.
A manicured older woman seated next to Susan named an elementary school in the area.
"And you are?"
"I'm her--"
"Daughter," Susan interrupted. "She's my daughter."
I glanced back at the older woman who's expression was now strained, her eyes glassy. My partner's feet began to fidget. He knew we were close to a self admission.
I took a deep breath and prepared for the last push. "Where is Susan?"
"In Heaven," she answered simply.
Bingo. "Okay," My partner crowed. "I'm going to make a phone call." He left the room quickly, his part in the conversation fulfilled. The older woman followed in a flurry.
Susan and I sat alone.
She ignored me for awhile. Ignored my questions and overall existence.
The doctor entered the room and she informed him that we needed to pray. Together. I stood and held hands with two complete strangers, one of which was either crazy or divine. Maybe there's no difference.
First the Dr prayed for guidance. Then together we recited the Lord's prayer. I stumbled over the words. It'd been a long time since I'd recited the Lord's prayer. I'd been praying for guidance myself lately but not like this. Either way, God always answered you. He definitely didn't like giving you clear answers. But he answered none the same.
The Dr and Susan's heads were bowed throughout the prayer. Mine was raised staring hard at the Ansel Adams print on one wall then the vintage Mikey Mouse on the other. Every word that cracked in my throat, Susan would squeeze my hand for encouragement. I wanted to cry.
The Dr left. And we were alone again. I tried to explain what was going to happen. I knew what my partner was doing on the phone. He was calling around the city trying to find an available bed at one of the already overpopulated mental health facilities.
My portable radio chirped on my shoulder and interrupted whatever it was I'd been uttering. A domestic disturbance was being dispatched. Two cars sent across town. Business went on.
"You're too busy," Susan said.
"We're always busy."
She cocked her head and stared at me intensely. I tried not to fidget.
"There's too much noise in your life." She nodded at the radio. "You can hardly think straight."
"But what if they need us? We'll have to run out."
She was silent.
"Someones got to do the job."
"You don't pray enough."
"I pray everyday, Susan."
"Out loud?"
"Sometimes. You can't see the things we see everyday and not pray." My thoughts turned to the man we'd found grey and stiff in his own garage.
"Not enough," Susan said simply.
"I pray plenty, Susan."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Are you calling me one?"
"I know. I know everything."
"Who are you Susan? God?"
She closed her eyes and nodded.
"Then what should we do with Susan?"
"Susan is taken care of. She is in heaven."
"And what of her body? What will you do with it?"
"He will tell me."
"He? God?"
She nodded.
"I thought you were God."
She snorted and glared at me, "I am not God, I am Jesus."
"But you said that you were God."
"They are the same in God's will."
"I don't understand," I said honestly.
She smiled. I felt that she was in much control here than I was.
"I know you don't." She looked disappointed and frustrated suddenly. "You can't understand."
I thought for a second and decided if this really was a divine flare to signal something to me then I would have to heed it. "I don't. You're right. But you know...I'm not sure that we're meant to understand. I think it's all beyond us."
Her face exploded with excitement and joy. Pure childish joy. She nodded, "That's right!" I thought she would clap for my epiphany but she restrained herself.
"So what do we do next?"
Susan's face darkened with a sudden unexpected rage, "Fire God."
I was shocked into silence. I couldn't have heard right. "Wha--what?"
"Fire. God." She said it slowly and deeply. The intensity scare me. My partner opened the door.
My mouth was open. He tossed me an odd look before focusing on Susan. "Alrighty, Susan. We're headin' out."
I escorted her out in silence. She wasn't happy about it but she would go. I suppose I now knew what would Jesus do in such a situation. I mentally shrugged that joke off feeling it too corny and in bad taste.
Susan took a seat silently in the back of our car. The plastic seats and small cage weren't comfortable but she didn't complain. I explained guiltily, "This is because we're worried about you, Susan. You haven't done anything wrong. You are not in trouble. Everyone is worried."
"That's not what life is about."
"What?"
"Worrying."
I buckled the seat belt. "What is it about?"
"Good vs evil."
"You are absolutely right." I shut the door. I suddenly wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.

What a fucking day.

I have always been many things. Biologically, I'm the middle child, a brunette and partially asian. Astrologically, a pisces. Politically, an independent. Romantically, involved.
I'm a casual-denim kind of philosopher with a terrible temper. I'm known as Cruise, Rabbit, Midge, Peep, Lil and Trouble. I'm addicted to Facebook because it's easy to play with on my Crackberry. I can't stand teenagers and sauerkraut.
I've chosen a career path that sometimes makes it very hard to live with myself and what I've seen. My dreams keep me up at night and I've found I sleep better during the day, when my home is flooded with light. I didn't know it was going to be like this. I didn't know a job would carry such a high price on me personally. My boyfriend is my sanity and grounds me through the worst of these times but his job keeps him far from me, for long periods of time.

Recently I've been getting alot of slack about writing my adventures down. There are things I don't like about the life I've chosen but the last thing I could ever say is that it's boring. So here you go. Glimpses into a mind of uncertainty and a life of adventure.